(…Cont’d)
6. DON’T… Be a woman?
Bitch, get yo’ ass on Blendr or Plenty Of Fish. Has she not clocked that the app is full of gay men? Something tells me that she thinks her ‘positive’ status is her outlook on the world. I have no words.
7. DON’T… Do a Kylie
Shiny hotpants? Pole dancing? Very ‘Spinning Around’ circa 2000. Exactly where it should have been left.
8. DON’T… Say too much too soon
We all have our little fetishes. But proclaiming to the world that you’re up for being stuffed like a Christmas turkey is so uncouth. Now all you need is someone with an Anne Robinson fetish and you’re sorted?
No, just me?
9. DON’T… Use photos from an amateur photo studio
… It thus does not equal a model. And the ‘Merry Christmas xx’ is killing me. I’d say it was out-dated, but even in Christmas ’97 those clothes weren’t trendy. (Ouch, this cold weather is making me bitter).
10. DON’T… Tell your life story
Fuckin’ hell. Anyone else asleep yet? Save your “I’m gay, but straight enough to have knocked up a bird first, and my kids are my life” speech for Jeremy Kyle. Fraggle.
COCKTAILS & COCKTALK 