There are some people, regardless of gender, sexuality, race or in this case – ownership of a mirror – that think it’s perfectly acceptable to be brazenly rude to others. It’s not. And these basic bitches need to put in their place (or preferably, put down).

My friend Hannah and I were enjoying a midweek drink, (Hannah – FYI – is a hot stripper) when we were approached by an ordinary girl. You know, the average-looking kind you see waiting for a bus in Catford.

“Are you gay?” She barks at  my friend.
Hannah, naturally, is slightly taken aback. It doesn’t matter if you seen my friend wearing dyke boots at a Pink concert, you don’t bowl up to a stranger with more gall than Katie Hopkins asking who they sleep with. I don’t care if you seen her sniffing some girl’s fingers in Candy Bar, it’s just rude.
For all this social retard knows, Hannah could be struggling with her sexuality, or confused about who she is (she’s neither, nor is she a lesbian, in case you wondered) – and somebody brashly questioning her sexuality could have potentially been upsetting. Anyway, some people just aren’t born with the same calibre of social etiquette as others, so, like her awareness of fashion, we’ll let that one slide.

She then goes on (perhaps to explain her verbal diarreah), to say that Hannah has a “homophobic look about her.” So because a girl has visible tattoo sleeves, she looks like a straight girl that hates lesbians?

cut-you

Where the fuck does she get off? I mean, aside from legs akimbo watching the L Word. 
“Oh no, I’m not at all…” Hannah defended herself and extended her arm to put around the random girl in a friendly gesture of goodwill. Who in turn, recoils and pushes her arm away, claiming,
“I’m not interested.”

OH honey. You better brace yourself for a bitch fit. I was literally seconds away from doing a Peter Griffin on her…

family-guy-fart

But realised that my ass didn’t deserve the trauma of having her hook nose all up in it.

“The funny thing is…” I started, as she glared up at me wide-eyed like she was Kim K and I was Beyoncé about to offer her my friendship.
I glanced at Hannah with her long, sleek black hair and hourglass figure, before casting an eye over the other girl’s lank Gwyneth Paltrow-esque ‘do.
“The funny thing is, you’ve rocked over here with glittery blue eye shadow…? My mate wouldn’t fuck you anyway.”

And she wouldn’t. We cackled quietly to each other as we left her, mouth agape, standing in her own fail shame.

Talk about more front than Harrods Christmas Display. Like what was the point of her even coming over? To tell my friend that she looked intimidating? Get outta here.
This girl clearly thinks because she isn’t sporting a buzz cut and uses a bit of her 7 year-old sister’s Barry M make up, that she’s lipstick lesbian. Girl, go buy yourself a clue. And some decent cosmetics.

*Dusts off shoulders*

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