fagony!

Dear Fagony Aunt, 

For years there’s been speculation over my sexuality – possibly because my career requires me to wear very skimpy speedos – and I’ve finally came out as bisexual. I’ve found a man that makes me very happy and no longer care what people think. While my family and most of my fans have been supported I have received some spiteful backlash on social networks and wonder if it’s all been worth it. 

Thanks, 
Anonymous Olympic Diver

Dear Diver,

Firstly, whether you like both genders, just elderly rich men, or men that tuck their willies between their legs and wear dresses – welcome! *Oprah hug*

Secondly, give yourself a pat on the back – or have your new man nosh you off – to say well done for publicly overcoming a big step in a gay man’s life (I understand you define yourself as “bisexual”… but we’ll see). Even though we have come so far, there are still a lot of things a gay man is not allowed to do, i.e; go cruising in the theatre, wear crocs, masturbate on a bus and DIY (that’s what we have lesbian friends for) – and so it isn’t a wonder that there are still some haters out there. It’s important to bare in mind that these Twitter Trolls are “people” that hide behind their computers throwing bitchy comments because the most exciting thing going on in their lives is that rogue Quaver they found in their pubes from three days ago. The haters are jealous because you’ve got a hot body (probably a Bugatti and a Masuratti) – and now a man… something they’ve never had – unless you count the battered old vibrator they think nobody knows about. Also worth baring in mind, is that a high percentage of these haters are probably jealous bottoms that are now loathing the fact there’s another fit lad that their fella will imagining when he’s having sex with them. You did good – and your Vauxhall survival kit is in the post.

Air kisses,
Fagony Aunt

If you have a problem, you can speak confidentially to Fagony Aunt at:
contact@cocktailsandcocktalk.com