In an episode of Sex and the City, Carrie curiously asked “can we ever have it all?” What she was referring to, as a thirty-something woman living in New York, was the man, the apartment and the career. As a twenty-something gay living in London, the definition of “all” is slightly different…
In my office this week, one of my co-workers complained that he’d met a great guy and the sex was amazing, but that the guy was already in an open-relationship with somebody else. The person he was discussing this with suggested that he should be grateful that he’s having great sex at all. To which he replied, “that’s not enough, I want more.”
It was around that point that it suddenly occurred to me just how many people I knew were struggling with similar situations; they were either having great sex but just not with people that made their stomach flip, or they were in a loving relationship but just weren’t getting the fireworks in the bedroom. At this moment in time, I genuinely couldn’t think of anybody that was fully satisfied with their love life.
And perhaps what it boils down to is good guys and bad guys. The good guys are the ones you fall in love with, but are just too vanilla between the sheets. The bad guys are the ones you find at sex parties and give you the ride of your life – but they’re also giving it to everybody else within a 2km radius.
As for a solution to the current dilemma in our society, the key seems to be communication. This is where the guys in relationships have the upper hand; by talking to their partner about their jilted sex life, sometimes things can improve (although frequently never enough). Whereas it’s a little more difficult for the guys who are fucking like bunnies to take a one night stand by the hand, and ask him to be a bit more romantic in between booty bumps. Or maybe, like thirty-something women, we are just expecting a little too much in our lives. Everybody knows that fairytales exist to give hope to young children – so why as adults do we then still believe in them?
There was never the tale about Rapunzel who went under in her tower and got rescued by a ‘Vers’ off Grindr. There was also never the tale of the Princess who kissed a frog in Fire and he turned into a handsome monogamist with a decent job. So is it us that want too much from love, or is it gay culture (clubs, drugs, and promiscuity) that is standing in the way of our fairytale? What it does suggest, is that the “perfect” man doesn’t exist – but we knew that anyway right? But if you can get someone even remotely close, don’t be surprised if you have to work your arse off to keep him.