Remember that time that guy put his hands down your pants on the dance floor and you didn’t even know his name? Totally. What about the time you thought you were Shakira after sniffing too much K? Obviously. Or how about when sweaty steroid back rubbed against you and you squeeled like a little pig? Duh.

The term “trashbag” gets thrown around quite a lot on the gay scene, but here is our definitive list of what defines a trashy Vauxhall bitch…

1. You’ve sworn you’re having a “quiet” weekend, and find yourself in Orange

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2. You’ve been off your face in a Tesco Metro somewhere south of the river

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3. Ever given a blowjob in the toilets of FiRE

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4. Told your friend to “keep an eye out for security” while you bumped on the dance floor

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5. Woken up in the Medic Room of AREA after the club had closed

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6. Squiffed out in front of Monday morning commuters at Vauxhall station

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7. Had a scuff with a tranny for dancing space on a podium

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8. Had a complete stranger tell you to wipe your nostril

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9. Taken a date to Vauxhall and gone home with someone else

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10. Called in sick for work from the Gravity smoking area

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11. Found yourself bumping on the hills at midday

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12. Purposely brought your sunglasses to Onyx

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13. Know what happens in the upstairs of Barcode on a Friday night…

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14. …And been there anyway

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15. Picked a baggie out the toilet

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16. Been in a worse state than Glendora

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17. Spent a whole night at Chariots and felt like this in the morning

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18. Played a BEYOND podcast at a chill out

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19. You took a hiatus after they stopped letting more than one person in a cubicle

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20. Been to a chill out where people have gone loco without sleep

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21. Walked in to WE Party like this…

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22. …And left like this

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23. Asked everybody on Facebook chat, “Kno any dealers?”

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24. Ever chatted shit to people in the Later garden

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25. Been to a chill out that was a little like this…

vauxhall-snort

Other posts you might like:
>> The Circle of (Vauxhall) Life
>> “Don’t Cha Wish Your Boyfriend Could Bend Like Me?”
>> 35 Mantras for Dating on the Gay Scene