Celebrities Have Bad Dates Too…

Surely you didn’t think it was just us average Joes (and Josephines) who suffered from bad dates did you? But it’s always intriguing just how bad they have them. For instance, Jessie J thinks a bad date is going bowling with the guy and accidentally throwing the ball backwards. “They were like, yeah, she’s really uncool.” Oh no, how mortifying for you Jessie J. I’m really not sure how you overcame that. Was it that traumatic that you shaved off all your hair? You should write that one down and tell it at parties. I wonder who will play you in the movie. Zzzzz… Bitch wouldn’t know a bad date if it regurgitated at the dinner table. And her “embarassing” experience doesn’t even touch the sides of that time my date spent half the night with his back to me while talking to his ex.

Jennifer Aniston (aka Miss Unlucky-In-Love) on the other hand, had a reasonably bad evening after her friends set her up with a a guy that didn’t work in the industry. The guy she dated was a lawyer and apparently ordered his food before Jen had even showed up. I’ve had a guy order his drink before I showed up and thought that was unmannerly – but a meal is just ridiculous. Maybe he just expected her not to eat anyway, what with being a Hollywood actress. He proceeded to grill her on Brad and Angelina… What is wrong with this man? It’s just so uncouth to ask about your dates celebrity “friends” anyway, let alone about the man who broke your heart and his crazily successful new woman. The man then wanted to know if they should split the bill. Dumass.
Fair enough when it’s two guys, but a man should always pay for a woman on the first date! Meh – that’s what you get for dating a lawyer. What I wanna know is, who are these friends that thought she would be compatible with him? Find a new social circle, Jen. Needless to say, she paid the bill and left. The girl’s got class at least.

I feel kind of sorry for Jennifer Aniston, she obviously thought her days of undesirable dating were over when she bagged Brad Pitt, then Angelina just salontro’d in and was like “I’m having that.” See, this just proves that being freaky in bed secures you a man. I imagine Jennifer Aniston thinks kinky is buying slutty lingerie, while you know Angelina has a closet full of toys, gags, restraints, lotions, potions…

Katherine Heigl once dated her personal trainer. That’s a bad idea to begin with if you ask me. Dating personal trainers is fine, but don’t date your personal trainer. That’s just a slippery slope to wearing make up at the gym, constant worry of sweat patches and permanent fear of the occasional fart. And you know once you’ve dropped one that smells like sewage he ain’t gonna want his dick nowhere near that. Anyway, he took her to Sizzler (which is like the American version of Wetherspoons – just another reason a big shot actress shouldn’t date a trainer; difference in salaries), and used the opportunity to give her his headshot. No wonder he’s a personal trainer, he’s clearly thick as shit. He would have had a better shot at getting it done by becoming her friend and just giving her his headshot at the gym. That’s like going on a date with a brass and asking her to hook you up with one of the her mates for free.

Tori Spelling’s bad date on the other hand wasn’t as much down to her fella as it was to her. They went to a swanky LA restaurant and ended up just drinking after the guy suggested skipping dinner. Two hours later Tori started feeling a little wavey – and it apparently only took four Rum and Cokes (just one of the downsides to being terminally anorexic). She took herself and lollipop dashing through the restaurant looking for the toilet, but ended up in the kitchen puking into saucepan (only liquid, of course). Now Tori, we can’t really knock you for this one, because we’ve got more than a little tipsy on a date before – and on more than one occasion. In fact we kind of like the fact that this makes you a little more ‘real’.

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