As you may, or may not know, easyJet have opened up a series of gyms across the capital. And while you may think ‘have they just done this so that their aircrafts will be cheaper to fly’ – this is highly possible – but they’re actually large, clean convenient.
Anyway, I’ve been a member of easyGym for over a month, and still haven’t had sex in the changing rooms yet. I know right, what’s “easy” about that? I haven’t had sex in any gym, actually. *Adds to bucket list*
The fact of the matter is, it isn’t Sweatbox or the like, this is a “normal” gym (well, one would believe). And while one can’t help but vaguely miss the occassional glance over at their bare body for a temporary ego boost – it’s actually nice to be able to get dressed without being ogled.
The showers in easyGym are laid out in two rows of cubicles, with a walkway down the middle. Each door has a porthole, as such, so you can tell if a shower is occupied or not. As I entered the cubicle, I looked out the port hole across to the one opposite to see a dark-haired, chiseled face that somewhat resembled David Gandy. In all the times I’ve showered there I’ve never caught eyes with anyone, it’s just not that sort of place – and skulking around public washing facilites looking for someone to tug off is so not my style. But ours locked almost immediately. And let me tell you, hers were full of hunger and lust. I couldn’t tell if the shower was pouring over his face or he was simply salivating like a Golden Retriever. Anyway, I proceeded to sensually lather up while ocassionally glancing over my shoulder pulling orgasm faces (I definitely should have got that part in the Herbal Esscence advert). Shampooing hadn’t been this sexy since Sophie Anderson had crabs. And after catching his eye a few more times, I knew it was working like a charm…
And I didn’t even have to drop the soap and do a bend and snap…
I had images of Ally McBeal having sex with a stranger in her car, while the car wash was GOING. If you haven’t seen it, it’s one of the sexiest TV moments ever. I saw it when I was about 12 and it’s stuck in my head all this time. She’s taking her car through and this stranger opens the door, all this soapy water comes gushing (ahem) in, she jumps on his gearstick and gives a whole new meaning to “put it in reverse”. Was this my Ally moment? Well if a neurotic 30-something streak of piss can have passionate sex in an inappropriate place, I’ll be damned if this prize chicken can’t. But alas, I put on a good front, but the term “chicken” is acurate; so I threw my towel on and left the cubicle.
As I opened the door, I was confronted by his grunting face as he rocked backward and forward vigorously and looked down to see the shadow of a fist rampantly thrashing backwards and forwards. It may not have been my Ally McBeal moment, but he was having one all on his own.
So I started getting dressed, waiting and dying to see the stallion I’d missed out on having a seedy shower wank with. And perhaps give him a judemental look for being so sexually forward at the gym…
This was easyGym, not sleazyGym. I heard the locker of a door and eagerly looked up. WELL… David Gandy he was not. I musta had conditioner in my eyes, because this French Fry of a man that emerged had a figure that was the envy of anorexic starlets across the globe. Seriously, I’ve seen pieces of disguarded Halal chicken that had more meat on their bones. This was NOT my Ally McBeal moment. The only thing remotely ‘Ally McBeal’ about this, were his chopstick legs; nobbly like a Nik Nak. That devious, devious port hole could have got me in a very awkward situation! And that’s not the first time I’ve been tricked by a hole in the wall.
If you were totes intrigued by that Ally McBeal car wash scene, you can watch it here:
Hot right?! Well the idea of it anyway.