WORDS BY: Niyi Maximus Crown
So a while back I met this guy who was a total Hotty McTotty but I didn’t make any attempts to pursue him as I didn’t think he was into me, which to begin with was not a problem, because as much as I found him attractive my intention was never to be anything more than his friend. The thing is, when we were hanging out I was getting a bit of a vibe from him, but we were with a large group and the levels of inebriation were sky-high so I just kept things casual. I didn’t want to jump the gun just incase I was reading his signals wrong as is usually the case with me. We kept in touch and spoke every day over the following week or so, with a flirtatious undertone increasing with each conversation. We eventually met up again and just spent the day chilling on the sofa whilst listening to music.
Now this is where sparks began to fly. You know when you’re getting to know someone you like and it just seems as though you have met what could potentially be your soulmate. When you both have the same taste in films, you like the same types of food and you even find that you are both fans of that really obscure musician that you don’t even talk about to your friends because they won’t know who you’re talking about. When it feels like the butterflies in your stomach are on steroids and your heart is beating harder than a pneumatic drill on concrete at six in the morning. You know when you can quite literally feel the blazing passion of a thousand suns building up inside of you and you could burst into flames at any moment. That’s what the conversation with this guy did to me and we weren’t even talking about sex. Then… there was the kiss.
I know for a fact that when we kissed every living thing in the universe felt our connection because time literally stood still.
And that is the end of the story. After that day the guy just seemed to lose interest instantly. Within the space of 24 hours he went from making me feel like the world’s most prized diamond to making me feel like a common piece of coal and all after I had already planned the wedding in my head. I know I wasn’t too intense for him because he was the one making all the moves. What did I do wrong? Did my breath smell when he kissed me? Maybe it’s because I didn’t have sex with him? I thought he liked my personality. Maybe he abducted by an alien race that wiped his memory? Or maybe Tom Hardy proposed to him? Or perhaps he’s got schizophrenia?
The thing is, I’ll never know. After spending weeks trying to go through every possible reason as to why he would have done a complete Usher on me (that’s a U-turn) I’ve decided that I should just let it go. As shitty as it is, sometimes these things happen. Many times we often forget that everybody has their reasons for doing things and we can not control them or even hold it against them. That’s how it goes, sometimes certain things just aren’t meant to happen – who knows perhaps fate was saving me from a crazed-obsessive relationship that would have destroyed my life when I came home from work to find my pet dog boiling on the stove (because seriously, who has a rabbit?). Sometimes life rolls the dice in your favour and sometimes it doesn’t. You’ve just gotta keep masturbating in front of that mirror and remember that you are perfect just the way you are.