Beyonce, honey...

Beyonce, honey…

My name is Niyi Maximus Crown and I am a gay man. I have been in an pretty interesting relationship for just over 24 years and I can now say that I am finally in love. Who’s the lucky so and so, you ask? Well, it’s me. After 24 years of living with myself I am finally at a point where I can say that I love myself. I am fully aware and accepting of the fact that I am not perfect while being completely conscious and appreciative of the value of my strengths. The ability to see myself for who and what I truly am grants me a certain level of confidence that makes many people uncomfortable; and this is the attribute that seems to be slaughtering my love life – like Claire Sweeney slaughters any song she covers.

What I’m basically saying is that: I know I’m hot, I know I’m talented, I know I’m great company, I know I’m an all round keeper and I also know that knowing all of this is the reason all the boys are scared to talk to me. (Cocktails and Cocktalk calls this “The ‘Catch’ Complication”.

Why is it that in todays society particularly within the gay community, it’s completely frowned upon to acknowledge and accept your own positive attributes? Now before you say anything, I don’t go around proclaiming my amazingness to everyone I meet forcing it upon them like Rita Ora was forced upon the general public – I always endeavour to remain humble through every encounter, (provided there are no mirrors around) – but I will not be denied my props when they are due either. Maybe I’m alone in thinking that this mind set is a healthy one to have but even if it’s good for my mental health it’s like swine flu for my love life. Are men possibly scared to love someone that potentially has so much love for themselves and not enough for them? Surely not.

So what’s the cure? I guess I’ve got to start pretending to have a low self esteem. I’ve noticed that guys really seem to dig that. It’s like nobody wants a strong ferocious man whose self worth isn’t shackled to the bosom of other peoples fallible opinions. What they want is someone slightly easier to predict and maybe even on a subconscious level someone they can almost manipulate.

All malicious intent aside, lets actually think about this. What if people’s brains subconsciously make them more attracted to people that are more emotionally receptive to the positive and negative things they say? Like a sort of psychological coping mechanism that some people with already low self esteems develop. “Damn you Beyoncé for making me believe that I was an ‘Independent Woman’, now I’m destined to stay single forever”.

I’m not sure I have the capacity to dial down the magnificence and I don’t think anybody else should ever have to either; our festival is called Pride for a reason. Maybe I’ve just read way too deeply into this or perhaps I am just an egomaniacal dick that needs to be knocked down a peg or 3 or maybe, just maybe I am the second coming of Jesus Christ. I know one things for sure…

…If people were to take the time to masterbate in front of a mirror at least once a day they would eventually learn to appreciate themselves a lot more.

WORDS BY: Niyi Maximus Crowd

Do you agree with his strong sense of confidence?