When do you know that you’re date life is completely hopeless? When other people decide to step in and help. Especially when they arrange the perfect date set-up and all you have to do is find the right guy from a range of online profiles.

“One of the perks of being a minor New York celebrity…” Oh no wait, that was Carrie Bradshaw again.

Still it’s nice to know your words don’t go unnoticed and the lovely people at Gaydar have clearly empathised with the reams of disastrous dates I’ve had and sent me a manual in ‘How To Find Mr. Right’ or if I just fancy a shag… Mr. Right Now. I haven’t quite decided which one I’m going to opt for yet, but I guess that depends on how much of an arsehole the guy turns out to be. But we’ll aim for the stars (Ryan Phillipe) and if we end up in the gutter (Mario Falcone) then you can’t blame a guy for trying.

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Courtesy of Gaydar, I’ll be getting a facial and fresh trim at Murdock London. When I saw it was a voucher at a male grooming salon, I did think that maybe getting a back, sack and crack wax before a date was a little optimistic, before realising it wasn’t ‘that’ kind of salon. Murdock London is a trendy Covent Garden barbers that specialises in contemporary grooming. And it couldn’t have come at a better time because I was totally bored of my look recently. Well, my hair anyway. So the idea is that I use their new and improved Gaydar mobile service (m.gaydar.net) to find a tasty man, get my weave in shape, have a skin refresh and take him out for dinner at any restaurant I wanted – again, courtesy of Gaydar. I’m thinking somewhere with a view… That way at least if he is a total wanker, at least I’ll have a nice skyline pic for my Instagram.

It will make a nice change to get dressed up and go for a decent meal as opposed to the bog-standard drinks in a tacky Soho gay bar before back to his for a five minute thrashing of bodies. So was London really just full of backward tossers that were usually too tight to buy a boy a drink, or too arrogant that they didn’t even attempt to avert their eyes at the power-bottom bar boy at Rupert Street? Or was the art of dating just lost?

What with new TV show ‘Dates’, and documentaries ‘How To Find Love Online’ and ‘Real Dates’, it seems that everyone is wondering what ever happened to dating and the butterflies you get while getting to know someone. What with dating apps meaning hook-ups are much more instantaneous, it seems that even internet dating is out-dated. In a society where it isn’t uncommon to meet a guy at at his house, throw his ankles in the air and then next week have a boyfriend, is it stupid to even consider the possibility of bonding before banging? Don’t get me wrong, I engage in random hook-ups and one night stands as much as the next gay man (sometimes a little more, sometimes a little less – depending on the month… and the amount of Mojitos slammed), but nothing beats catching a guy’s eye over the dinner table and it makes you both smile.

Then, even when we do go on dates we just throw on a pair of hi-tops and a t-shirt and head for Balans. On a first date somebody should see the absolute best side of you – and what you do on that date reflects that. When a guy asks you ‘where do you fancy going’, saying “I’m not bothered” means exactly that – you’re not bothered. Have somewhere in mind before arranging the date, and change it up – don’t go to the same places with everybody –  as everybody isn’t the same.

So, Gaydar has had a makeover, and so should I. Or my profile at least. I created an account – taking some tips from Dawn Porter – smiling and looking into the camera picture and got browsing.

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What makes Gaydar different to the competition is that you can search for a date based on your interests, so you’ll know that you have things in common before chatting. While going after guys based solely on what they look like or what role they play in bed is fine for an hour (if you’re lucky) of passion – it rarely leads to much more than that. And everybody knows that sex is better with intimacy anyway. So the interests-based search seems like a good idea. Also, because the site doesn’t go through the Apple store it doesn’t have any of those ridiculous guidelines (no underwear band showing – I mean seriously, what the fuck? Are we children?). This also means that if you are looking for a hook-up, you can use that hot photo of yourself lounging around in your CKs to allure the men.

So, looking for a guy that wasn’t less interesting than a fridge magnet began. Watch this space…

To join Gaydar’s new mobile dating site just visit m.gaydar.net from your mobile.

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