You know the season of Winter is here when you open your curtains and there’s more white stuff on your lawn than in Charlie Sheen’s glove compartment. And while the multiple layers of clothing, and distinct lack of flesh on show and just a couple of the things that we don’t like, there some plus sides too. Here’s our Top 10 of things we love/hate about Winter…
1) LOVE: PHOTOSHOOTS
It’s a known fact that I love photoshoots. Even amateur iPhone ones do the trick – add a little instagram effect and that shit looks good. But shooting in the snow, in your underwear, is just peak.PEAK. Snow makes even the most cracked up, worn down council estates look pretty. Taking photos in your briefs, standing in your mates back yard would usually be tacky, but when it’s snowing it’s just fierce.
2) HATE: CRACKED LIPS
I mean, firstly, we end up spending a small fortune on vaseline because we keep losing them, or ’cause man keep teefin’ em up in the clubs with their grubby fingers. No offence, but I don’t want your disco nails all round pon ma lip grease! Secondly, how we supposed to give good head when our lips are crumbling worse than Madonna’s pelvic joints.
3) LOVE: TEMPORARY BOYFRIENDS
The cold air gives you an official license to fall for the first guy you bang in 2013. Even if he doesn’t speak English (whoops). You’re allowed to spend your nights with boring men, oddly shaped men and men with no fashion sense – because it’s winter! And he ain’t gon’ be around in the summer. So its fine. Think of him as medication – he helps prevent SAD – and you can totally ditch him before hitting the pool at Shoreditch House. Win, win.
4) HATE: ICE
Ice is for cocktails, foreplay, beauty treatments, skating on, and wearing (that’s slang for bling, bitches) – not for the pavement. This may sound like I’m taking my dislike for ice way too seriously, but let me tell you something bout her, she’s a sly bitch. So I’m waiting for my taxi, just chilling, looking fierce as you do – bit of Taylor Swift blaring out my ears (I know, I’m still not over that song yet) and I start to slide. All on my own. I’m thinking, this is fun – I felt like Michael Jackson moonwalking. Then BAM! Flat on my batty! My ass took a harder pounding than Tulisa did for her job on X Factor.
5) HATE: WINTER HATS
Firstly, why does every middle aged woman think that cold weather gives her the right to completely abandon her fashion sense? Anyone would think those white flakes falling from the sky was cocaine – ’cause these bitches are dressing like they’re fucking high! Hats with animal ears are acceptable on three types of people; cute guys, little kids and herojuku girls. Not 54-year-old women on their way to and from the office. You wouldn’t catch that shit in VOGUE, so don’t rock that shit on the tube.