As gay men, we are often presented with the question: is it ok to fuck on the first date, or not?
So, do we give it up too easy and risk putting him off or restrain from getting dirty and risk missing out on hot sex, because we weren’t compatible in the first place?
We can only go by instinct an assume that he did like our personality as much as we liked his – and either hold out for something more meaningful – or decide that there was no connection and sleep with him anyway because he’s hot. A tough call.
But what happens when you do have a connection and decide to take the next step anyway… Will he subconsciously think you’re a whore and in turn be put off? Will it wreck it all? Let me tell you a story…
Two years ago on Brighton Pride I bumped into a really cute guy…
“This isn’t a chat up line, but you look really familiar…”
And it wasn’t (well it sort of was) but he did look familiar. And I couldn’t figure out where from. So while I sat there in an over sized denim shirt (nothing else aside from hi tops, naturally) we chatted, and groped. But we didn’t go home with each other that night.
A couple weeks later we went on a date. Had a lovely dinner together, but I couldn’t help the feeling of de ja vu. Where did I know him from?
Uncontrollably, I went back to his and we had sex. Unfortunately, despite him being attractive, having a good body and a good job – the sex was awkward, to say the least. In the morning he walked me to the train station (right down to my platform – totes romantic). But had the awkward sex now ruined our future chances together? A couple weeks later, after racking my brain about how we knew each other, I checked my Fitlads (that I no longer used) and found that we had been chatting to each other – exactly one year ago, to the date. Fate? Who knows.
What I do know, is that one awkward experience between the sheets can definitely put both parties off reuniting. And needless to say, apart from this guy being the perfect guy on paper, things fizzled out.
Two years later (again on the same date) I saw him again. Fate? Who knows. After then reconnecting with him, (through the wonder that is Grindr) we agreed to go on another date. I needed to know if he was “the one that got away” because we stupidly rushed things sexually. Needless to say, things just fizzled out again (did I mention his tendency to stop texting after a few days? Even if he text me first).
I know couples that have actually met on cruising commons and are still together, so there’s definitely no science to suggest that the curse of the first date fuck exists. There’s also no evidence to suggest we would still be dating if we hadn’t fucked so early. In fact, the contrary. It’s very easy to see things differently through rose tinted glasses – someone that may have seemed like “The One That Got Away” was in fact not. Nor was he anything but “vanilla”. But sometimes, until you’re blessed with the beauty of hindsight – you’re damned to kick yourself over mistakes that don’t exist.
Despite my view, and isolated story, as long as there are prudes, and people that blame themselves for every little mishap, ‘The Curse of the First Date Fuck’ will continue to be perpetuated. That’s not to say that it doesn’t exist, in some cases, and that we should fuck everybody we fancy straight away.
But what I can state, is that: do not be feared by not being not interesting enough that you won’t get the chance to see him again. If he doesn’t find you interesting enough for a second date, he’s not worth sleeping with anyway. Unless, you’re not that into him anyway and just wanna bang ’cause he’s hot – then by all means, with no attachment, do it, delete the number and move on.