OK, I’m like totally a couple days late, but this drivvle was SO not on my priorities list.
Tuesday night’s I Woke Up Gay caused quite a stir, and I can see why! Very controversial claims by one, Hairdresser McFloppy-Fringe. Especially seeing as he states; “these are the first pictures I’ve seen of myself” (without shedding a single tear or any quiver of emotion) before two seconds later saying “Yep, that summarises old Chris” – How would you know if you can’t remember who you were?! Someone get the chestnuts, cos there’s an open fire on this boys pants.
If it changed his sexuality, how did he get the gay hair?! She looks like she fell down that hill and rolled all the way into Shocantelle Browns salon. In light of Darren’s experience, I’ve altered the classic Nursery Rhyme:
Jack and friends went up the hill,
To do a forward roll,
When he fell down, he woke up as Jill
and now she takes it in her hole.
There are a few possibilities when it comes to his claims:
(a) One of the theories being that the stroke could have triggered this feather boa loving sister to come out and she was gay all along. (LIE)
(b) The stroke DID actually cause his sudden love for sitting on bloke’s faces. (TOTAL BULLSHIT)
(c) That he was gay all along, knew he loved riding rugby players, instead of being one, and knew how prejudice the frigid virgins of Wales were. So when his nipple started drooping, his left arm tingling and he saw the light (the light being heaven; where all of his older BORING relatives were beckoning him) and thought fuck that shit. When in limbo, he then looked down and saw all the queens having some fierce pool party in the Gayboy Mansion of hell and thought: Daym! Sister wants some of that!
So when he didn’t die, he’s thinking he’s so over picturing Brad Pitt just to have sex with a woman (I’m not judging, we’ve all been there: Amsterdam 2007). So then she faked amnesia, bought a new weave and tiara before anybody could question it, and now lives as the only gay in the Village.
As for I Woke Up Gay? No honey, she woke up desperate for man! (Wait… Is that different?) I’d say, he woke up stupid – but evidentally marginally smarter than the rest of the population of Wales – as they seemed to buy it for so long. Bless, he’s been waiting for that forward swish for twenty-something years! And now he can have his moment…
“GOOD FOR YOU!” *Oprah Hug*
What can I say really? Kudos, he got a TV show before I did. Well, he got an episode. But still I think I speak for most when I say I’d of much rather of watched an hour of Propecia: I Woke Up a Crack Hoe.