“Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like total sluts and no other girls can say anything about it”
Taking Regina George’s wise words to heart, I rocked out as an (un)original slutty school boy – with face painted of course. There was potential to meet a hottie I’d been talking to later on that night… So after eight or nine pills, when i was well and truly tripping off the wallpaper and dribbling down my own top – I solantro’d into his hotel.
In the hotel room, smaller than a tampon, we prepped for it and while still dressed as a dead school boy, i was slightly worried that of all the eligible men i’d pulled the only peado nechriphiliac? But I was so dehydrated anyway i couldn’t even pout, let alone perform a Jenna Jaimeson oral spectacular. The polite, “Sorry…” as i reached over for my bottled water every two seconds, wasn’t exactly smooth moves. And after what seemed an eternity of felatio drier than a sultans flip flop, i lay non successfully sleeping, STILL tripping off the wallpaper and now with the shakes.
This Halloween: Halloween was once about who can be the sexiest, while still in costume, now it seems the competition is between the goriness. Well, what I wore at one point, was definitely the most gruesome! Also this week it turned out sexuality isn’t always so STRAIGHT forward. With a “straight” guy, attached, never been with a boy before but had a very non-straight fantasy he wanted to fulfill. “GAWWJUS” – Little Britain. But before we even tried, after slipping a cheeky finger in (it was halloween), I found something that WAS DEFINITELY NOT a treat sloshed over my finger! I knew it was too good to be true, so with an overwhelming new scent in the room, it flopped (well we both did). Needless to say I’ll never look at a chocolate finger in the same way again…
To be fair, I did state in The Fall Line (2011)that straight guys wanting man-action on the side, were so out. So it only serves right that I should get the shit end of the stick, for not listening to my own advice!
“WHATTA LOAD OF OL’ SHIT!” – Nan, Little Britain